Sense of Self...

My Long Lament: Proverbs Of A Daughter

As times change, so do relationships. One of the perks of living longer is having the time and inclination to let things go, to settle in, to accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. I am finding myself doing this more and more…being more accepting of others, and opening up to what they can teach me.

On a recent cross-country trip to celebrate my father’s 88th, my dad sat me down to share some of his “notes” on my blogs. It turns out he is an avid reader of them and has been very encouraging. I don’t know why

Dad and the bus
All of us – Volkswagen style!

this should surprise me, but it does. He has placed a link on his computer desktop to easily find my site. He proudly states that he has read every one, even the sex one! “What, do you think your mother and I knew nothing about sex?”  Well, you must have, Dad, because our family of 9 children was an anomaly in the neighborhood…remember that family with ALL those kids?

Experience Is The Father Of Wisdom

My father and I became quite close (well, as close as one can get to a man who wears his curmudgeon mantle with pride) later on in my life. In a previous post, I introduced readers to my father, the man who taught me the ins and outs of business and tutored me on negotiation techniques when I was buying a company. Getting him involved was a spur of the moment decision. On the way out the door to meet with the existing owner of the business I was considering pursuing, I placed a long-distance call to my father and quickly explained what I was interested in doing. I was rather surprised when I did not receive a grunt and a “this is not the time for a venture like this, Mimi.” Instead, I received a long list of questions I needed to ask and instructions to call him with all the answers the next day.  He was instantly connected! Once the deal was struck, I received another surprise…my father, with mother in tow, decided to move to Florida so that he could be available to assist me as needed. At that time I was 44…he was 70, and had just retired from his accounting firm.

The Wish Is Father To The Thought

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The gang’s all here, well almost

Wow, great! Yet I had some concerns. Dad and I were never what I considered close. I found it difficult to involve him in conversation. I left that up to my husband who could easily discuss any topic with Dad. But me? Well, there were those 44 past years. When I am with him, I mentally return to my days as a gangly teenager who so desperately wanted his approval. As the third of his nine children, I was considered one of the older kids (as compared to the kids, and the younger kids). So, he was still learning what all these personalities mingling in his home were all about. I was also, affectionately I hope, known as the emotional one…the one who felt things deeply, cried at Pepsi commercials, and talked…a lot…I mean a lot…passionately. My dad however, has always been a stoic person. He does not like to show exuberant emotion, nor does he like to be a witness to the same.

I remember a time when I woke up crying (keep in mind I was an adult at the time, married with two children…but I am the emotional one). Alarmed, my husband asked what could possibly be wrong. I blubbered “I just realized that my father loves me, but I don’t think he likes me.” Ahhhh hormones, don’t you just love them?

It Is A Wise Child That Knows Its Own Father

Needless to say, my relationship with my father was, shall we call it…complicated. In one of my professional roles I completed a Myers Briggs scoring tool, you know…the kind that places one in particular personality boxes. My boxes came out to be Extravert, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.  WELL THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!! I believe my father to be the polar opposite…Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging. No wonder we had trouble communicating. I was a talker and wanted to experience the world…he liked quiet and wanted to understand the world. I preferred a “big picture” viewpoint…he preferred the here and now with facts and figures. He would make decisions objectively; analyzing the evidence…I made decisions based on how it felt in my gut. He liked to live in a planned and orderly way…I liked to be more spontaneous and flexible.

But as we have lived longer, our relationship has changed. He has stood by me though the ups and downs of the business. I have been by his side through his few medical conditions and treatment; and together we cared for my mother during some dark days as she progressed in an illness that eventually resulted in them moving to Missouri for care that was more specific.

Like Father, Like Daughter

Father Daughter
Me and my dad

I think we are now more similar than dissimilar. I seem to have inherited the physical traits of his side of the family. We share common political views, albeit he is more strident. He is a wonderful writer, as my box of his communiqués (both physical and digital) to me can attest. So, what writing skills I may have, I come to them honestly.  And, I have found throughout the years that my father is extremely emotional. His emotions spill out just when he does not want them. They emerge at children’s weddings, grandchildren’s and great-grandchildren’s recitals and exhibits, and at any event where his beloved wife was honored.

So…back to his “notes” about my blog. “I see your blog as a kind of long lament.” Interesting. “They need to be shorter, as people have short attention spans.” Agreed. “You need an editor.” Got one…big sis.  With a slight sardonic smile he said, “I read them to see if I get mentioned.”

Well, this one is shorter.  My sister/editor has pre-read and approved. And Dad merited a mention. Yet, I see these blogs not as a long lament of life in my aging years, but more as a long laud of what is becoming an exciting, wonderful, reflective time in my life, and I hope in the lives of others.  And this particular blog…is more of a love letter.

I would love to hear your father/child stories.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “My Long Lament: Proverbs Of A Daughter

  1. Mimi, I was a “Daddy’s Girl” and felt that in his eyes I could do no wrong. Understand just where you are coming from. Have often wondered what he would say about where I am in my life today. His approval meant everything to me, I had no competition like you, I was the only girl of his five children. Dads, to me, are the role models of the husbands and bosses we look for, and they can also spoil us girls. Great blog, Thanks!!!!1

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